Memorials
by 4persephone
Summary: Movieverse Fic: A gentle obsession and a game of 20 questions.


It strikes him, one day, that she's the last of her line.

The thought seems archaic somehow. Like something out of another time and place. He supposes that the only other people who would care but him are the insurance companies, and if it were trying to recruit her, the military. The thought nearly bowls him over though, when he passes by Pepper on the couch and notices the way the red in her hair seems to get a little darker when she spends enough time in direct sunlight.

He almost asks her then, if it's common family trait. Except he doesn't because there is no family she can compare herself with that he knows of- no Uncles, aunts or grandparents. There aren't even any distant cousins.

There is literally only her.

And that somehow doesn't seem right,

He's never asked her about her family. And not because he's uninterested. It's because he knows exactly how her only living parent had died. He knows, of course because he was there the day that it had happened.

September eleventh. He'd come up from basement after pulling an all nighter to find her weeping on his living room couch in front of the morning news. It had taken him ten minutes to calm her down enough to understand why she was crying so inconsolably at the pictures on the tv. "They...my father...worked...the first tower.' THe plane had impacted about at his floor.

They were two of the handful of people who hadn't been glued to their television sets that morning. Tony had spent nearly the entire day just sitting with Pepper. The silence and eventually the distance when she gathered herself to pull away had been nearly overwhelming, but he remembered this part too. Sometimes sitting in silence while the person next to you was in pain was not only all that could be done but was also the best thing that could be done.

She'd spent the night that day, too drained to make it home on her own and had then taken the rest of the week off. He'd tried to give her more, but things had turned mad at the office and she'd refused to take one more day off after the third person he'd talked to had called her to ensure he'd known what he was talking about.

The day she'd come back to the office, he'd been struck by just how blue her eyes could get in the right light.

That's when it'd started.

Over the years he'd grown used to noticing the oddest things about Pepper. The way her chin came up when he teased her just a little too much, the length of her eye lashes, how the skin of her fingers sometimes turned white and chapped from handling too much paperwork.

If it had been any other woman...well the slow growing attention to detail might have creeped him out.

Because it was one thing to notice an attractive woman and simply carnally want her. It was another thing entirely to catalogue something other then the curve of her breasts or the lines of her waist. With Pepper though, he'd become attached to various specifics. He'd been a little frightened by how much he'd actually took in. Even more alarming was the night they'd danced at the benefit, when he'd realized that he could read her like a book, without any significant effort.

It was like hearing a melody for the first time that he already knew how to sing.

He'd spent a little time being afraid of what that had to mean, and a lot of time being simply fascinated by it. Because for all his experience with every possible rush in the world, he has never been presented by an addiction like this. He looks at her now, and...well it's a good thing, she gets to focused on her work. Because these days, he's probably bordering on staring.

The world is a better place because of Pepper Potts. Logically that means the world would be an EVEN better place with more Pepper Potts in it, albeit in a much smaller size. But she's the last of her line, and is in no hurry to change that apparently.

It makes Tony wonder things about her - about her dreams and ambitions.

Not all women wanted to be mothers after all, or even liked children. Some women wanted to be mothers but felt as if they didn't have the time to fulfill that dream. Other women were content to wait for the right man to come along instead of going in search of him. Pepper's had three boyfriends in the nine years she's worked for him. None of them had ever been particularly serious. He wonders why, if they'd been blind enough to miss her for the wonder she is or if Pepper with her high standards had found them wanting.

He also wonders if he's not at least a little to blame for the lack of red-headed munchkins running around, because in truth, Pepper doesn't interact with many people other than him - he schedule doesn't allow the time for it.

'Not that Pepper ever acts like she's discontent.' It's not that she's antisocial, exactly, just...solitary. A woman who, for all her contacts, lives pretty much like an island.

He knows how her mind works. After so many years of working with her, there's no way he couldn't know. He knows exactly what phrases and mannerisms to avoid when sweet talking her into doing something she clearly knows better than to do. He knows the tone of voice that will convince her to sit down and have a cup of coffee before going back to work. He knows her own mannerisms - the way her eyes get a little squinty when she has a headache or the way her stride becomes more open and fluid when she's filled with determination.

What he doesn't know is how the rest of her works. There's so much more to people than their mind and actions, something he's acutely aware of.

So one day, when the wondering gets to him, he takes a step he never has before. He starts asking questions in an effort to get to know her psyche as well as he knows the rest of her.

"So Potts, ten years ago, where did you think your life would be by this point?"

It's one of those questions career counselors ask - or if it's not, it should be. However, he can see it takes Pepper by surprise though that might be because he didn't lead into it. He just comes into the living room and plops down onto the couch beside her and let his mouth blinks. Considers the question a moment before she answers. "In truth. I thought that by now that I'd be done pursuing my PHD."

"Doctorate?" He props his arm on the back of the couch and turns his full attention on her. He's not really surprised - Pepper Potts is a smart woman, fully capable of earning such a degree. Not only that, but it's his impression that she values knowledge for its own sake. Whenever he asks her to look into something for him, she comes back with more information than anyone would ever need to make the choices he usually needed to make which left him with the impression that she enjoyed her chances to research things.

Pepper smiles a little. "Yeah...though I was pretty conflicted ten years ago about what the doctorate would be. I couldn't decide between art history, data systems analysis, political science or scientific philosophy."

"Why didn't you pursue it?" This is the part of him he doesn't understand, what he sees as settling. He knows - probably because she's told him - that he's always pushing things. Pushing for things to be better, to be faster, to be newer. He doesn't see it that way, he sees it as the natural progression. What came before building up to what comes next. And the same principle tends to work in his own life. He's always moving on to the next project, the next car, the next woman...or that last until recently.

What he doesn't understand is why Pepper would choose to continue working for him when he has absolute confidence that there's no door that would have the nerve to stay closed to her. She chuckles softly as if aware of his thoughts. "What makes you think I haven't?" It's the twentieth century. You can accomplish some amazing things with a laptop and a long distance study program."

"Pepper, I know you're amazing, but I also know you hours - when would have the TIME for the papers or research that would have demanded?"

"Weekends and the occasional evenings. Vacations. That sort of thing. It's been slow going but I have an employer who gives me obscene christmas bonuses that I can use to bribe adult education deans every time they start to hollar about me constantly needing extensions on my deadlines..."She shrugs. "I've been working on things on and off for about three and a half years and now I've only got my thesis paper to polish now before I should be good to go."

"Good to go and do what?" He's surprised by how...well, not pained, his voice sounds. Because there's a difference in asking why the woman you adore is still with you and asking the question and getting an answer.

"To diploma land, I hope. Assuming they don't find any huge fallacies in my book." She shrugs. "Which I seriously doubt, given my particular subject matter and the size of the data group that I gathered from SI." She pauses a moment as if realizing she may be in trouble... "Uhm...Tony I spoke to the legal department before I started collecting anything from the office...and none of the information I'm collecting is top secet - just basic statistics about what goes where in the the company, and at what speeds."

He waves his hand, dismissing her sudden uneasiness. As if she'd ever actually do anything illegal or underhanded...well, that he hadn't first convinced her to do. "And what doctorate would you be graduating with? And where are you going to use it?"

"My doctorate's in data systems analysis - basically the paths and efficiencies of data." She snorts. "And I intend to use it where I already am - why do you think your schedule and projects usually run so smoothly?"

"And?" There has to be an 'and.' Who goes through to trouble of earning a doctorate without doing more with it than helping a single company? Not that he's complaining, but once again, he just doesn't understand. When she could become a consultant, set up her own business, and probably make millions on her own and have far more respect than she currently has now, why would her ambition be to stick with HIS company?

"Then I might become a civil scholar only. Take some fun online classes. I also might try and study a little more art history." She shrugs. "No more extended rat race though. It was a protracted route to graduation, but I finished and that's what I promised that I would do."

He still doesn't truly understand, but he's afraid to push her farther. Questioning her decision to stay with the company seems to be the personal equivalent of shooting himself in the foot. "So, ten years ago, you expected to already be a doctor of something... Anything else on your list?"

Peppe chuckles, "I hoped to be in a job I more than tolerated and I expected to still be paying off my house. I'm one for two in that regard, I'm happy to report."

"The house or the job?" he asks her whimsically.

"The house has been paid off four years. I'm even thinking of buying a pet."

This earns a small smile. "And that's it? You dreamed of owning a house from which you could write thesis which would then in turn revolutionize the business world? And an animal of some sort to share it with?"

Pepper snickered. "No nothing so grandiose: I wanted to own a house so I could afford to help my dad pay off his own place before he retired."

"And that's it? No plans for other family? No kids running around underfoot, chasing the cat?" Tony asks softly, not quite able to look at her as he

Pepper shrugs. "Ten years ago all I was intent on was keeping Dad from draining his then meager retirement fun to send me to school. It's why, for awhile in L.A, I dropped of school and did modelling - though I promised Dad that I would eventually go back. As for everything else - I suppose I wasn't objectional to the idea of more, if it happened naturally, it was just that finding Mr Right wasn't anywhere near the top of my priorities. Taking care of the family that I already had was plenty to worry about."

"What do you worry about now?"

She chuckles. "Right now...whether you're actually going to attend you next several meetings."

He snorts at that, but doesn't say more, instead he just sits there and studies her for a long minute. Pepper returns to her keyboard for several long seconds, and then she looks up at him curiously, nudges him with one stocking covered toe. "So...why the sudden historical inquisition?"

His fingers drum against the face of his arc reactor pensively. "You've worked for me for nearly ten years. That first year I was always convinced you were one day away from quitting. And I guess I started wondering why you never did. It's occurred to me lately that's there's more to life than trying to accomodate the whims of a man who's probably not going to live to see fifty."

She blinks at that. "Okay, first of all, if if you die at all during the time that I know you Tony, it damn well better be because you're eighty and still doing weird or kinky stuff in bed. And second....well has it ever occurred to you that I might be here simply because I like my job?" There must be something skeptical about that claim in his expression, because she sighs patiently, "I mean think about the four subects I was most interested in studying for my doctorate...in this position I have to use facets of them all on a semi-regular basis. It's fun. Not to mention since I signed on for this life has NEVER been boring."

That earns a lopsided smile from him. "Fair enough. Still all joking aside, Potts, sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I'd been a little less selfish. If maybe you would have found the time to have kids of your own instead of babysitting me."

Pepper's face grows compassionate. "Lord...we need to do something about your guilt complex, you know that Stark? The decision I made to not have kids was deliberate - it had nothing whatsoever to do with my job."

"You'd be a good mother, Pepper. And it'd be a crime to keep your DNA out of the gene pool."

She chuckles softly. "My genes are exactly why I decided not to have kids, Tony. Or rather, their all around scarcity."

He looks at her questioningly, brow furrowing. "What exactly does that mean?"

"You know I was an only child, right? Well so were both of my parents."

"What does that have to do with whether or not you have any children yourself?"

Pepper sighes. "I tend to think if I was going to marry it would have happened by now Tony, which leaves only adoption or in vitro...neither which I feel prepared to commit to."

"Why not?" It's more curiousity the condemnation.

Pepper shrugs, "Why would I bring a child into the world when I could offer it no other support structure...no other family, then me?"

She's not depressed when she says the words, she's just pragmatic. Still something in Tony's stomach chews on that idea fitfully.

"Okay, that seems a valid enough point. However, if you don't start taking some Friday nights off, then that's probably not going to change."

Pepper snorts. "And what would I do those nights? Casual hookups? Speed dating?" She shakes her head. "I don't have the patience for the superficial crap. It holds no interest to me."

He's quiet for a long time because he's thankful and sad in equal amounts. "So this is it? You and me together until I die at age 80 doing kinky things with someone half my age?"

She snorts. "You mean you'd actually sleep with some who's forty? Careful Stark, by that point most women actually have a brain...that could be a real challenge." She winks when he rolls his eyes in reply and goes back to reading whatever it is that's one her computer screen.

"Are you not answering because I'm stupid to be asking the question, or because the question's too stupid to merit an answer?" Tony asks aftera moment.

"I didn't answer because it sounded like a rhetorical question to me." She still hasn't looked up from her viewscreen, but there's a little smile on her lips.

After a moment she speaks against "So since we're apparently playing twenty questions, do I get a turn?"

"If you like." He shifts a little uneasily.

"Is this about why I haven't had any kids, or about why you don't currently have any? Because this sounds an awful lot like transference to me."

He gapes again before he manages to frame a reply.

"I suppose this is about me only in regards to why you haven't had my kids, because you'd probably be the only one could can stand me well enough to actually get through it," he teases before growing serious. "I just...I guess I know that there's more to you than your job, Pepper. I just didn't know what it was."

"I've never really tried to hide most aspects of myself if you're curious," She looks up and smiles wryly, "Just don't expect many unplumbed depths, okay?"

"Pepper, anyone who's worked so hard to get a PhD has more depths than I do, and I think we both know how many of those there are. Were you going to invite me to your graduation?"

She laughs. "What's the point of that when I'M not going to be sitting through it myself? They'll send the diploma over and I'll get out of the sitting in an uncomfortable robe for hours with a bunch of strangers and their families."

Tony blinks before protesting this information. "Com'on, Pep. Even I went to my own graduation and I'm the most irresponsible person in the world."

Pepper looks up and raises an eyebrow. "Do I look like the kind who needs public adoration? It's a lot of pomp and circumstance yes, but the point wasn't the ceremony, the point was the knowledge."

"Would you go if I asked you to?" Because as surprised as he is, he's incredibly proud of her too.

Pepper chews her lip. "Why do you even care, Tony?"

"What - I'm not allowed to be proud of you? This stuff is supposed to be a big deal."

She groans. "Fine. If you really insist I suppose I could still order the robes. But Tony the ceremony's in New York,and it's going to be a minimum of four months away yet."

She sounds humoring, which isn't what he wants. "You said it'd be awhile still. Just think about it, Pepper. I'm certainly not going to force you to go." Tony sighs and pushes off the couch. "I'm going back to work."

"Tony wait..." Pepper reaches out and actually catches him by the fabric of his pants leg. "I...I'm sorry. I don't mean to sound ungrateful or like I'm blowing the offer off. It's just...Well my dad always said he'd die a happy man the day that I got my colors." She swallows, her jaw working back and forth at the admission. "I don't know if I can sit through all the hoopla and handle knowing that he's not there to actually see that I managed it. I figured a good bottle of wine and his favorite classic film on television was a better kind of wake once everything was said an done."

She releases the Tony's pants leg then, "It's just...it's kind of bittersweet to me, you know? Something I guess I feel amiguous about, but HAVE to do." She shakes her head a moment, briskly, as if to literally throw off her funk, then squints at the monitor. "And now i really need to crack down and get to work. Because frankly this memo won't write itself."

"Hey -" He catches her hand before she can start typing. When she looks up curiously - as if they haven't just had a conversation that actually meant something - he squeezes it. He wants to pull her to her feet and give her a hug, but he doesn't know what she'd think of that, and suddenly it's very important for her to always be comfortable around him.

His voice is full of empathy though. "I get it, Pepper," he says softly. "I do."

Her lower lip tremebles...just a little. Then she smiles, just a little, out of the corner of her mouth. "You know? I think I may be looking at this wrong. Maybe I HAVE to go to graduation, because that was what he wanted the most. And after...well it's been 9 years, and I've never once been down to...you know... down to the site."

Which was wrong in some ways, or so it looked like she felt, probably because business had brought them to the Big Apple multiple times every year.

He squeezes again. "When you're ready, just say the word, Pep. I can do without my jet and my assisstant for a few days."

She clears her throat. "Tony, you're welcome to come with me...if you're already there for business or graduation, I mean. Well unless you find it too morbid, I guess."

"Pepper...how many times have you gone with me to where my folks are interred?" he asks softly.

"Only as many as you needed me to." She says in an equally hushed reply. "But Tony...this... I'm not you, and this won't be a private cemetary. This is a majpr tourist spot in New York now. And there could be reporters...people with cameras."

"The only reason that would keep me from going is if it bothers you, because otherwise, it's not even worth worrying about."

"Tell me that if I lose it and bawl in front of you and a whole bunch of cameras. Damn sometimes I HATE the Paparazzi."

Now he does tug her to her feet if only so he can look her straight in the eye. "Pepper...not even worth worrying about," he repeats."If anyone's that desperate for a shot, I pity them."

She tries to smile and this time fails miserably. "Some of us aren't as good at hiding our real feelings as you are on camera." A single tear slides from her right eye and slithers down her cheek. "God it's been so many years. I should be able to... God I just MISS him some days, you know?"

No more hesitating; Tony pulls her close and wraps his arms around her, rubbing one hand up and down her back. "Shhh...I know it hurts." He presses his lips against the crown of her head. "And that's okay, Pepper. It's okay that it still hurts."

He's a little surprised when Pepper's arms come up and lock tightly around him. Still more surprised when, heedless of the arc reactor, she rests her head against his chest.

"God," She sniffles, "I really hate crying. It makes my makeup run."

"Heaven forbid." Is Tony's reply. "So four months you said? Till your graduation I mean?"

"Yes. Complete with tassle and too sweet cake at the reception."

"Tassle hmmm? Sounds kind of kinky." The switch back to slightly suggestive innuendo is deliberate and earns him a gentle smack to the shoulder. "Ouch."

"You're a letch you know that?"

"Better than anyone."

She snorts again and steps back wiping a hand over her eyes.

"So...any other questions?" She finally asks.

'A million.' Not that she's ready to hear that. But then Tony's not worried, this obsession doesn't appear to be going anywhere, and he's got plenty of time.

"Only one." He smiles back, "Do you happen to know where in hell I managed to lose my favorite blue and purple silk tie?"

"Master closet. Hung up with the others like it should have been when you got home from that meeting. Happy brought it to me...apparently it got left in the limo."

"How'd it end up there?"

She snorts, "Why are you asking ME?"

He laughs. 'Tie stealing gnomes?"

"Are those like the underpants ones?"

"UNDERPANTS gnomes...?" Tony tilts his head and raises an eyebrow. "Are you actually admitting to watching South Park, Pepper Potts?"

"Of course not." Is her smooth reply, "Such low brow humor is beneath me."

"Mmm hmmm." He replies... "So then a collection of the series would be an inappropriate Graduation present then?"

Her lips quirk. "I would admit to already owning one, but that would be self incrimination."

"Can't have that. So do I get to see you model your robes and tassle before graduation?"

"You wish." She has NO IDEA.

"Definitely Ms Potts."

Definitely.


End file.
